Dark Embrace.

2011-02-03T09:08:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry.

2011-02-01T07:55:00.000-08:00

I'm hanging by a thin thread,

breakable..undependable..all by myself.

I don't know if I should hold on or let go.

If, life would be much simpler this way or after my surrender.

If, I can take the pain of falling down.

What will happen if I actually let go?

Does it mean I'm giving up?

Or does it mean, I'm strong enough to let go, to take a chance.

Hell, does anybody really care?

Here's the answer - N-O!

It's all bullshit.

Toughen up and,

get over it.

Mother, love.

2011-02-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Mother,

The love I have for you, my mother, is unexplainable.

I have never, and I know, I WILL never be able to tell her what she means to me.

Though I forget, at times, what she really is, I realize it later and plant a kiss on her on her cheek.

That is the most I can do, to show my love.

I harass her,

I hit her,

I taunt her,

I kiss her.

Behind all my bitterness lies my love.

I might seem hollow, shallow and dumb and unromantic from the outside, well maybe I really am, but there is still a part of me, somewhere inside which has feelings.

The strength which I have today, is all because of you.

Without you, I will be nothing more than a twig.

Apart from being my mother, you are my sister, my friend, my lover, my soul mate...my god.

The emotion I felt last night,while we were walking, was something else...it was more than just love.

I worship you, my mother, I always will.

I know the things you have done for me, cannot be paid back, but I will try my best to do whatever it takes, to make you happy.

I wish, I was as selfless as you are.

I feel so small in front of you.

Well, that is why YOU are my mother. :)

I love you, forever and always.

Your daughter.

2009-02-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

Watching the prevail sunrise,
Rising over the earths horizon,
Taking over the creatures of the dark,
Leaving me agglutinated and frozen.

Closing my nocturnal eyes,
Caught in the sunlight's embrace,
Gush of leaves moving about,
Humming softly,
moving with grace.

As life moves in gyration,
My head is filled with motley emotions,
Absurd and ludicrous rhymes,
Nevertheless, agitation and recession.

2009-02-04T23:16:00.000-08:00

As my warm body,
touches the cold floor,
I want to go away,
I want this no more.

My head is spinning from the nightmare,
The evil grimace,
the deathly stare.
Awaiting for my presence,
lips curled up as crescent.

As I put on my new face,
My limbs are immobile,
My life up in space,
Only my body and
this irremovable smile.

A puppet that tags along,
Only alive when everything is wrong.

After the days array,
It encroaches again.
Frightens me with its foray,
Leaves me with sorrow and pain.

Haunting my dreams,
spreading through my body,
stopping my screams,
Leaving me with nobody.

The next day I start again,
Toning my breath and racing brain,
Yes,
Then I put on my new face,
and fasten my pace.

2009-02-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

Broken bottles near the lectern,
Empty hearts and vague turns,
Take me son, take me with you,
to a place, out of this blue.

Wake me from this appalling dream,
silent tears and appeasing screams.
Take me son, take me with you,
to a place, somewhere new.

Pull me from this horde,
Search for me in this clear fog,
Come take me son, take me with you,
to a place, where no one knew.

Sing me to sleep,
Let me do no wrong please,
Be my escape for the night,
Until the next time I ignite.

Oh son, take me , take me with you,
to a place, out of this blue

2009-02-04T23:02:00.000-08:00

And again,
anxiety crept over me,
Only my heart could hear my silent plea.
Head filled with a lunatic voice,
Runaway, was my only choice.

I ran, but could not hide,
Hide from the eccentric feeling that crept inside;
Immuring myself in a square box,
Pacified as a rock.

Suddenly I see figures all around,
I try to enter their bound.
Immense effort,
Nevertheless I'm the same.
A recluse,
Hopeless
and Tame.

I'm stronger.

2008-04-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

You are not the one
and I think it's done.
Nothing was between you and me.
And I'm stronger.
Can't you see?

I woke up from an appalling dream,
And this time I won't scream.
So go take a hike,
Go run away riding your bike.
I'm not the loser this time,
and I have not committed a crime.
It's you.
Moving into the blue.

My heart is hollow.
You,I would not follow.
I know I'm ugly and weird.
But now I do not fear.
Nor you neither your friends.
And I won't follow these new trends.

I thought You were good.
But your bad and your rude.
I loved you from the bottom of my heart.
But you?
You tore me apart.

Just throw the damn rose.
And please do not pose.

I know you don't feel.
From now I won't look at you.
That's a deal.
So just get out of my head.
My love is dead.
Forever and Ever.

2008-04-03T04:12:00.000-07:00

For your every 'no' answer, add 1 to your score.

1. Do you feel guilty if you cry in public?
-Yes.
2. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness?
-No.
3. Do you think men and boys should be encouraged to hide their tears?
-No.
4. Do you feel embarrassed if you find yourself crying while watching a film or reading a book?
-Yes.
5. Would you try to hold back your tears if you were attending a funeral?
-No.
6. Would you distrust a politician who shed tears in public?
-No
7. Do you think that tears are an unnecessary expression of emotion?
-No.
8. Do you always try to hide your disappointment?
-Yes.
9. Do you get embarrassed if you see grown men crying?
-No.
10. Would you pretend that you had something in your eyes if you were unexpectedly discovered crying?
-Yes.
11. Do you always try to hide your anger?
-Yes.

For your every 'yes' answer, add 1 to your score

12. Do you tend to brood about things which make you angry? -Yes
13. Does your temper even get out of control? -Yes.
14. Has your temper even got you in trouble? -Yes.
15. Do you believe that it does you good to get rid of your anger? -Yes
16. Would you allow someone to comfort you if you were crying? -No.
17. Do you get cross quite easily? -No.
18. Do you touch someone you love at least once a day? -No.
19. Do you enjoy physical signs of affection? -No.
20. Do you ever get broody when you see small babies? -No.
21. Would you happily hold hands in public with someone you cared for? -Yes.
22. Do you enjoy being massaged? -No.
23. Do you regularly tell those whom you love how you feel? -No.
24. Have you ever had a pet of which you were very fond? -No.
25. Do you enjoy being kissed and hugged by people you love? -NO.
26. Do you ever laugh out loud when you are watching funny films? -Yes.
27. Do you ever tap your feet while listening to Music? -Yes.
28. Do you often have the last clap at concerts, sports events and the like? -Yes.
29. Do you ever shout encouragement to sports or TV heroes? -No.
30. Can you remember when you last really laughed and enjoyed yourself?-Yes.

Analysis

Score 17 to 30
Your attitude towards your emotions is a healthy one. You aren't ashamed to let your emotions show occasionally, and you will undoubtedly be much healthier because of this attitude. You are likely to be a good social advisor.

Score 8 to 16
You know how to let your emotions show but you still find it difficult to do so as often as you should. You should be prepared to let your emotions out more often. When you feel sad let yourself cry, when you feel angry, let your anger show, when you feel happy allow a smile to cross your face. Allowing your emotions out in this way will do wonders to your physical and mental health.

Score 7 or less
You are definitely very uptight. You really do need to allow your emotions flow out a little. There isn't any thing really wrong in allowing people to know how you feel.

Hidden Personality.

2008-04-03T04:05:00.000-07:00

1. What kind of chair do you prefer?
a. Cloth covered
b. Leather covered
c. Wood
d. Cushioned
e. One with a built-in massager

Ans. b. Leather covered.

2. Tomorrow is Sunday. What are you going to do?
a. Stay home and take it easy
b. Go shopping
c. Do some sports
d. Go out for a walk
e. Stay in bed and catch up on my sleep

Ans. d. Go out for a walk.

3. A box is lying in the road. What is inside?
a. An abandoned kitten
b. Garbage
c. Treasure
d. A surprise!
e. Nothing

Ans. Nothing.

4. What kind of present would you buy for a very close friend?
a. A handkerchief (Because your friend will be happy, no matter
how many handkerchiefs he/she has already)
b. Something you like
c. Something your friend has been wanting
d. Something popular (the " latest thing")
e. Something hand-made or homemade

Ans. c. Something your friend has been wanting.

5. You want to cross a river, but there is no bridge in sight. What do you do?
a. Swim across
b. Build a raft
c. Search for a bridge
d. Search for a shallow spot to wade across
e. Wait until the river dries up

Ans. b. Build a raft.

Analysis

1. What kind of chair do you prefer?

Hidden meaning : You want your partner (girlfriend/boyfriend ) to:

a. Be together with you always, no matter when or where
b. Be more open with you about himself/herself
c. Take more care of his/her dress and manner
d. Be a little bit more relaxed, calm and composed
e. Do more for you

The message behind the question:

If you choose to sit on certain chair, you are not suspicious of it or distrust it. This is similar to the psychology present in our relationships with the people we like. In other words, the qualities we look for in a chair are similar to the qualities that we look for in a partner.

2. Tomorrow is Sunday. What are you going to do ?

Hidden meaning: With respect to money:

a. You spend as little as possible.
b. You spend whatever you have.
c. You save for rainy day.
d. You spend carefully. Pennies saved turn into dollars.
e. You are probably a bit stingy.

The message behind the question:

Sunday is a day you are free to use however you want. Having freedom to do whatever you want is like having money to spend however you want. Becoming good at managing your finances is an important step towards independence. What do you think of your money spending habits? A penny for your thoughts...

3. A box lying in the road. What is inside?

Hidden meaning : You think good luck ....

a. Depends on maintaining good relationships with others.
b. Is something you won't attain. You expect only bad luck.
c. Will definitely be yours, someday....
d. Might come your way.
e. Doesn't exist. Reality is built on practicalities.

The message behind the question:

People often attribute unexpected events to good luck or bad luck. When something goes well; it's good luck; when things turn sour, it's bad luck. Your answer reveals what kind of luck (what's inside the box) you think you will have in an unexpected circumstance (the box on the road)

4. What kind of present would you buy for a very closed friend ?

a. You are not able to relate clearly to others. You tend to become lost in clouds of confusion when attempting a task.
b. You are the type of person who assumes that the world revolves around yourself.
c. You tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
d. You care more about world trends and fashions in general than you do about your own, or other people's needs.
e. You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly.

The message behind the question:

By stating what kind of gift you would give to a good friend, you are actually revealing how you relate to others. However, it doesn't really matter so much what you give someone - it's the thought the counts. If you care enough to give something, your friend will get the message. The dual acts of giving and receiving are, together, one of the finest pleasures and one of the best forms of communication - that friends share..

5. You want to cross a river, but there is no bridge in sight. What do you do?

Hidden meaning : When it comes to finding a romantic partner you:

a. Will search and search until you find your perfect match.
b. Create opportunities to interact with many people through club activities or a hobby, then select someone you like.
c. Don't have any particular type in mind, but are inclined to look for someone who is likely to say 'Yes' if you ask him/her out.
d. Base your search on information from your friends.
e. Are not too worried about finding someone right away.

The message behind the question :

Your answer to this question reveals the way you tend to search for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Crossing a river is a psychological equivalent of getting out and finding that special someone. In any case, if you don't make an effort to meet people, there's no way any relationships is going to start at all. So, get to it!

.

2008-03-30T02:49:00.001-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High

You and Me.

2008-03-17T04:22:00.000-07:00

Alone in the rain,

I was waiting for you.
I know you ill never come.
But I'm insane.

It was cold out there.
But your absence was all I could not bare.
I wish you were here,
to keep me warm,
But all alone i had to fight the storm.

I watched the love birds flying,
Inside I already started crying.

Why,why did you turn away?
Come back oh my love,
This April or May.

Crystal clear was the sky,
I took a sip of gin and went all high.
Then I started to shout and scream.
This may sound like a dream.
But its real..not reel.

Into the river I fell.
I was badly under your spell.
I started to sink.
I lost consciousness and I could not think.

When I woke up,
I was in my bed.
I wanted you bad.Thats what I said.
That's when i opened my eyes
And saw you there.
I could not take my eyes off you
And i could not stare.
You held me hand and smiled at me.
Promise that you 'll never leave me.

I won't -was what I wanted to hear.
But my breath stopped.
And you disappeared.

Me.

2008-03-09T03:48:00.000-07:00

THE CHILD OF GOD I WAS,
HE LEFT ME ALONE .PAUSE.
AS THE MOONLIT FLOOR SHONE,
I WAS LEFT THERE ALL ALONE ALONE ALONE......

I WAS HELPLESS.
MY LIFE WAS IN A MESS.
I FELT EMPTY AND WEAK.
MY HEART WAS LOST;
A TEAR ROLLED DOWN MY CHEEK.

GOD WHY ME?
I WIPE THE TEARS FROM THE COLLAR OF MY T.
I CLOSE MY EYES AND START TO SLEEP;
INTO A DREAM MY MIND SEEPS.

I HAVE TO BE STRONG.
I HAVE TO FIGHT MY FEARS .
WIPING THESE COLD TEARS .

I'LL WALK THROUGH LIFE ALONE,
WITH MY HEAD AS STIFF AS A BONE.

I'LL SHINE LIKE THE STAR,
BREAKING EVERY THREAD AND BAR.

NOW I KNOW HE LEFT ME FOR A REASON
THANK YOU, OH LORD.
SO NOW ITS MY SEASON.

:)

Last Goodbye.

2008-03-09T03:26:00.000-07:00

Hello I'm your nightmare,

I'll give you a fright,
as soon as you enter the funfair.
I'll scare you till death;
I'll smile and
You will be standing there,
gasping for breath.
You try to hide from me,
But my darling you cannot.
You cry
And I'll sting you like a bee.
You try to run,
But baby,
The fun is yet to begin.

Helpless you are,
I'll lock you behind the bars,
I'll make you clean my room.
There's no escape honey,
You are doomed.

That's when the alarm clock rings,
Hallelujah hallelujah it sings.
You get up.
You are all wet,
drenched with cold sweat.

You let out a loud sigh,
But sweety, I'll be back.
This is not The Last Goodbye.

Nothing.

2008-02-27T21:42:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here,
staring at the azure sky,
Caught up inside an aviary,
With all the strangers,
passing me by.

Is anyone authentic here?
No.
Or am I suffering from Paranoia?
Is there anyone with whom,
I can share my darkest fears?

I wish I was Audacious ,
I wouldn't need anyone,
But I am not.
I avow.

God made me Atonal.
And I'm not astound.
but i cannot assault him.
I am nothing.

Now,
I lie here in my bed.
All ashen and Grey,
With tears leaking from my eyes,
Like an artifact being painted.
With motley emotions
Crumbling like a moulder.

I need somebody to Stanchion me,
Somebody;Anybody!
To stealthily,
Release me from my pain.

Quotes.*

2008-02-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel
Because those who mind don't matter.
And those who matter don't mind."

-Dr. Seuss~

Sometimes Life has a way of putting us on
our backs in order to force us to look up.

-Unknown.

Alone In The Dark

2008-02-25T00:40:00.000-08:00

I STOOD THERE ALONE IN THE DARK,
WATCHING THE BRIGHT STARS SPARK,
HOPING TO SEE YOU,
BUT YOU DID NOT COME;
NOTHING NEW.
I CUT MY HAND AND MAKE ANOTHER MARK,
AS I STOOD THERE ALONE IN THE DARK...

NUMB AND PARALYZED I STAND IN THE COLD,
BUT NO LONGER STRONG AND BOLD,
A TEAR FALLS FROM MY COLD EYE,
AS DEEP INSIDE I START TO CRY.
DARKNESS ALL AROUND ME,
THE STARS ARE ALL I COULD SEE,
THEN SOMEWHERE IN THE DARKNESS, I SEE AN ARC,
AS I STOOD THERE ALONE IN THE DARK...

I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU,
UNTIL THE ARC PASSED FLEW,
THEN I START TO SCREAM,
AND SCREAMED UNTIL MY LUNGS BEGAN TO PAIN,
YOU MUST BE THINKING THAT I ‘M INSANE.
BUT YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA.

THEN I REALIZED I NEEDED YOU BAD,
BECAUSE I NO LONGER WANTED TO BE SAD.
BUT I CAN NOT DO ANYTHING BUT WATCH THE STARS SPARK,
AS I STOOD THERE ALONE IN THE DARK.

Wannabe.

2008-02-22T09:21:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep.
and I can not count the sheep's.
I'm bad at Math.
Does this make any sense?
No.

My thoughts are dense,
And I'm losing my sense.
I doze off to sleep,
Into a dream My mind seeps.

Deeper and Deeper.

I see a Cute guy
Passing me by,

He looked at me.
A car came towards him
But he did not see.

The car was about to Hit him,
As the lights grew dim.

He somersaulted.
Surprise!
He was still alive.

I felt a gush of jealousy
in my blood and veins.

I Wannabe Like him,
I Wannabe him.

A conversation with god.

2008-02-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

Mama,
the wing blew my T-shirt away.
The water that you gave,
made me sway.

now I'm on my own.
I don't have anything,
but a phone.
I decided to call god.
So I did.

ME: God, will you help me?
GOD: Tell me your problem; And I shall see.
ME: But promise that you'll save.
GOD: but you can help yourself. You are BRAVE.
Me: No, I'm not. I'm just fake.
GOD: Its a wrong thought we ourselves bake.
Me: And I'm weak.
GOD: So your strength is all you seek?
Me: My problem is me.
GOD: Then i can not help you, my child.
You're a fighter, a winner - that's how you should see.
ME: But my strength is lost. How do I regain it ?
GOD: Look inside your soul.
You will get it, bit by bit.
ME: Thank you god. I'll try.
But if I lose, will I die?
GOD: It's up to you. If you're brave enough
You will survive.
ME: God when should i call you next?
GOD: You won't need me. I bet
ME: Does that mean that you are leaving me?
GOD: I'm here. I'm watching. I'm feeling. AND,
I'm there. Inside YOU.